September 6, 1998
Oh Lord, when I in awesome wonder behold the works of thy great hand--- In my still moments I behold the beauty and loving touch of the world around me. It is humbling to know that I am one among your greatest creations. Together we should follow thy word inspired into your servants as given by you to us for life. I have often told of the talents you have given unto me and that I feel drawn/called to use them to your service- as your servant. I don't know if I understand a "talent". I have qualities and abilities others have but, I feel that I have many things together--- where some have focused and are really good at one. I do not claim to be a poet, prophet, preacher, writer, artist, counselor, teacher, operator, singer, musician, mechanic, reader, golfer, bowler, driver, supervisor, computer technician, developer of computer graphics, or a creator. Is that my problem---should I forsake all these to focus on one? That would not be right, as these are all from your hand unto me for your service
With all that---why do you withhold from God's service that which is his? I do not want to begin God's work--- for I fear I will fail him and do others harm thereby dowsing God's light in them and condemn them to hell for eternity. I would gladly give my place--- in the book of life for one whom I--- through my arrogance and ignorance condemn to hell. Lord, my salvation is in you--- so is everyone's. Forgive me my arrogance and ignorance, I can not condemn another to hell--- that is thy work - oh Lord, forgive me.
It is my fear that withholds from thee and keeps my light dim on the shore, as a fire gone but out. There are souls adrift on the seas of despair--- lonely--- confused--- sailing without rudders, adrift their sails tattered and shredded hanging in the gentle breeze--- flapping, flowing, swaying with no guide or cause. Some see the dimness of my glowing beacon--- yet can not draw nigh to thee as their rudder is gone or their sails are tattered and unable to hold your gentle breezes, which can sustain the largest ships through the fiercest seas--- which you calm with the slightest move of your smallest finger.
I know these things because I was once adrift--- now I stand barefooted on "the rock" in the warm sand guarding my light and beholding your greatness. I stand, Oh Lord, watching, knowing, your light in me could guide the more sailworthy to your shore--- and know they could bring more. The rock on which I stand is smooth and easy on my feet. I know it stretches to eternity for the rock is Jesus. Fear keeps me from moving the sand and learning more about Jesus--- knowing intimately more and exposing more to build my fire larger than ever before. There is plenty of wood/fuel for the now glowing embers--- I so closely guard. The fuel for the soul is your divine word. The larger thy light by me--- the more who can see and be towed or led ashore by myself and others in Jesus.
There are among the ships adrift, vessels with taunt sail and square jib sailing softly purposefully; thy stern gentle hand upon the helm of a stout rudder. Their sails are sound, though patched, all are reborn by thy grace, the decks rough hewn as the cross of Christ. Though seaworthy, they occasionally traverse a sand bar or reef and with thy same gentleness they glide through free from harm of these seas. The seas are governed by "the fallen angel". It violently lashes at the vessels not at thy anchor in these tempest tossed seas, are drawn nigh unto its depths, some to resurface and struggle to sail free--- others to become eternally lost, though never from thy sight Lord.
I stand by the glowing embers a short step from the chosen vessel, through thy grace, have been given. The sails encased have been sewn and patched, reborn to catch thy gentle ways. The jib reformed to be a solid craft. The helm sound, but not as one with the rudder. There is a time coming when all the vessels will be adjudged for their worthiness. As I gazed at the sea I watch vessels going purposefully from tattered and torn floating vessel to another helping them to see the holes in their sails, the holes at the hull's water line to the sea that invite the seas into the soul of their vessel. These vessels offer threads of hope and sailcloth through their salvation to mend sail, plank and pillars to shore up the foundation of the vessels. They offer clay jars to remove the seas waters from within their torn vessels---each vessel carries the clay jars full of the seas waters as testimony to the tempest torn days adrift on the seas. These jars of testimony are secured below the water line to keep the smaller vessels buoyant in rough seas to come. Once reborn these vessels charge forth into the seas to spread their salvation, share their reborn joy, and celebrate their renewal from the seas. As they share and offer their lives to service of God, they are stoned, their sails pulled at and torn fresh, having their thread of hope shattered and their sailcloth shredded as it gently hold thy breath Lord. As they sail slowly from the rejection of their faith and joy, vessels who see their discouragement and freshly scarred timbers, sail closer in fellowship of encouragement. To rethread their sails with hope and reinforce their sailcloth of salvation. After their fellowship they sail again earnestly to other torn and tattered vessels to share their joy of His salvation with struggling sinking vessels before they capsize. Again to return to their fellowships and be restored for future battles rage over the sea’s horizon.
Some do not return
Some sail to far away seas and continue the work of the Lord. Some reach a reef and are scuttled from within---withholding themselves from fellowships---in time their sails rot and the holes in their hulls return from lack of encouragement and Thy word lies stale in their lives. Yet, all are adrift, asail , awash, or abandoned. Also, there are vessels like me watching the seas rage, the desperate vessels struggle, the newly born vessels get stoned and persecuted. The vessels moving desperately among them quickly to reach one more, to help one more, to see one more be saved. I stand
My jars of testimony full and still filling more, my sails encased from the light of day, and the breezes, from Thee that power my vessel. The helmn of my vessel not one with the rudder. Were I to cast off I would be adrift---my sails full to the gentle breezes for direction. No rudder to guide the vessel, free undisciplined.
September 13, 1998
Oh Lord, how wonderful to be with Thee I have thought and meditated over what I have written to Thee.
I realize that were I to cast my vessel aflost unto the seas that Thy word would be upon my sails. Thy Holy Spirit born anew in me would be my helm and rudder. My faith in You, the cables and pulleys that bind helm to rudder. The Lord said unto me, "Be thou so smart? Why ask Thee where thou goest in my name?" I continued to write "Father I stand to be a willing vessel. To write to Thee the faith within the vessel must yield to Thee for the rudder to gain movement, unto the vessel to be guided upon a new course." The speed of the vessel is gained by the wind in the sails. The wind and breezes from Thy word are at times swift and short lived, but at most the Thy breezes sustain the vessels movement. As a vessels moves about the seas, their bow must remain above the horizon, lest it be floundered and yield to the treacherous seas. Lord God, mine eyes to the bow of the vessel, they shall seek Thee constantly above the horizons plane.
I stand at dawn, looking over the seas, vessels, and fellowships---my embers softly aglow. I gaze upon them glowing and as I gaze upon them glowing and I peer deeper into their mass I realize the embers are dimishing as the spirit within me rises. As the smoke rises fromk the now cooling ash I must be to Thy vessel and cast off unto the seas. Oh Lord, Thy word is sure as the winds unto my sails---their stitch and patch strengthened by fellowships. The rough hewn decks are shored by the plank and beam of your grace and nailed through the Savior’s cross of salvation. The decks are sealed from the tempestuous seas by the blood of Jesus Christ which repels temptation and holds fast the clay jars of my testimony.
I step to my vessel, as my work begins
The vessel rests ashore, no lantern or beacon abeam or astern. As I step to the vessel, the warm sand under my barefeet gives way quickly, I walk faster. With every step the sand is looser and I sink into it quicker and quicker. Running now, I leap fully to the rail closest to me to board the vessel. I catch the rail and begin to draw myself aboard. The vessel, now fully at sea, pitches violently. The beach is gone, the shoreline no longer in sight, I pull hard to get into the vessel God has prepared for me. The vessels is pitched and tossed violently as I cling to the rail pulling with all my strength. As my strength is but gone, I hear a still small voice, "Fear naught." I raise my eyes, "From whence comes my help?" The sea lashes wildly at my knees then beltline. I raise my eyes to the still small voice and in that instant the seas within me are calmed. My fear subside as I am gently drawn aboard from the wrath of the tempestuous seas.
April 18, 1999
---Osan Air Base Republic of Korea
Lord, I have my mind set upon "fellowship" and "Thy wonders by Thy great hand".
Yesterday Greg shared with me Thy word form Job chapters 38-40. In where you talk to Job of the knowledge, wisdom, and power of man. We are so small in Thy great hand, Lord.
On relations and fellowship I have cast my vessel to Thy gentle winds and mercies. Being in Thy safe harbor wth many fellowships I feel strong and able to seek you in calm seas of tThy safe harbor in Jesus Christ. There are many wondrous fellowships here in this haven of rest, The Sonlight Inn. I have stayed on the beach and watched many leave Thy safe harbor, Lord. Tim, Matt, Billy, Del, Rico, Mike, Mike, HABU ( also known as Greg), Casey, Alex, John, Greg, Terry, Dave, Mike, Bart, Shawn (a growing believer), Hector, Bob, Kathy, Jeremy, Steve (the party animal), in them I saw your gentle breeze upon my uplooking face. As I rushed to Thy vessel, to sail for your glory, and embrace Thy safe harbor and fellowships fully round about---more vessels arrived and stood in those places. The water never calmed past Thy gentle ripples of a pebble cast upon a calm sea, before another was in Thy safety. Those who came are more in number than they who have gone. These places were filled greatly, then made into the place of the new ones; Scott, Alby, PHIG, J.T., D.J., T.J., Brad, Jeff, Ed; Normen, MArk, and Ken (The Three Wise Men lead by Gerald), Bruce(the quiet and strong in spirit); Debbie and Denise (The Killer "Ds"), Marilyn, Sarah, Herb, Jarryl, Mark(The Lord's Man), Greg(The Strong one), Tina(Sister of encouragement and discipline), Dan, E.Z., Charles, Kurt, Kevin, Joey, Chris, Mike, Alvin, Grant, Karen, Sister Bailey(The Gentle voice of discipline and focus), Kim(Barnabas incarnate), Sarai, Belinda, Sister HUA, Heather, Sunny, Ms. Kim, Jimmy, Br. Doug, Ken, Davis, Alf, Joey, Shotgun, Lackey Boy, Wayne, Jay, Big Spoon, NHP, Mark, Ken, Fodashee, Norm, Ray, Jamie, Daddy George, Skip, "Shirt", Amy, Anne, Jack, Arthenia, Ollie, Sly, and you. These are the vessels I sailed to adjoin and build strong as we rejoiced together in Thy great and holy name, Oh Lord.
My sails raising immediately billowed with Thy love, Oh Lord. Thy gentle breeze is strong and tests my strength and might to raise sails to go as you lead. I gather in Thy presence with PHIG, Scooter, Alby, Cary, Shawn, Herb, D.J., J.T., Jeff, Brad, Sarah, Heather, Mark, Norman, and Ken to be shielded in Thy love and mercy to raise my sails completely. Together we raise each others sails to Thy word, Oh Father. As the sails rise, Herb sails from the harbor and goes to Thy work where you lead. Norman sails to Thy will to lead Thy people. As they sail again the seas calm to a gentle ripple as Dan, Chris, Jamal, and Ron give to Thy will and come closer to the fellow ships of Thy love, mercy, and peace. As we are anchored others come closer. Ouor vessels lash together closely as the seas grow rough---yet, Thy gentle breezes are calm and reassuring to our midst. As I am lead to Thy service, I open my arms to receive more who also seek to serve Thy will in song, praise, and encouragement.
There are many called to be instruments of Thy love through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs--- They come by your will, to serve and to bless by Thy hand Thy congregation of worshippers. Herb, Scooter, Alby, Todd, Tim, Sarah, Marilyn, Bruce, Sunny, Jeff, J.T., D.J., Cary (Tiger), Dan, PHIG, Mary, Kay, Janice, Randy and Ed, Brad, Barnabas and Thee step up to the microphone in one accord and praise your Holy name. With one goal, "To love YOU Lord". By Thy hand all are called to serve your people. David amplifies our love offerings in song so all can hear equally and Thy name will be praised from floor to the highest beam. Ms. Kim, Heather, Shawn, Rob, Carol, Mike, Jason, and Bruce in Thy talents rejoice with us to Thy people---to reach one more---to sow, to water, to fertilize, to prune, to weed, and to harvest one more soul for Thy work, Oh Lord. When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be---when we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory! Halleluia!!! Praise the Lord God almighty, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, the Alpha and the Omega---all there was, is, and ever shall be is by Thy hand and wisdom in blessing His Holy name. All glory, honor, and praise to Him that sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty. From the day of Thy great encouragement through PHIG to this, your service is a joy to my soul. No burden, no heavy yoke. I press toward the mark for the prize of the higher calling in Christ Jesus.